you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
