The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
