Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Randomize
