You can't motorboat a personality
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
