She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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