Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
why is half of my head shaved?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
