There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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