I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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