Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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