even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
did you just send me my own nude
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
