i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
