My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
