ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
