At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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