i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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