Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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