Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
