Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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