The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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