Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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