I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
