love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
