actually, I'm a sock model
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
