I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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