Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
