By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
