She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You don't make any sense
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