This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
