I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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