let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
