She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
