"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
