overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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