I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
