how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
