Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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