im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
