forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
