dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
