no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
