i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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