Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
