the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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