I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
