If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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