shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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