with your own penis?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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