One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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