Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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