Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
