at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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