I am spending my child support on dildos
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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