remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
