I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i believe in u and ur pee
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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