he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
