Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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