guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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