Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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