Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize