i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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