ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
