i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
