I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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