Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
