It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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