I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
